I was diagnosed with asthma in college. No surprises there since my father has adult on-set asthma and I live in an area known as “The Allergy Capital of the World.”  My symptoms have been mild and well- controlled for a number of years, until recently when my level of medication and number of wheezy days began to creep higher and higher.  This past Easter I was able to sing but felt quite short of breath a lot of the time.  I came down with a bronchial infection not long after and went off to the doctor for short-course steroids and antibiotics (I’m maxed out on the other asthma meds already). Three weeks later and I began gasping at the tops of flights of stairs. Now I can no longer sing.  My voice cracks and fuzzes out, and I have this gagging cough that doesn’t seem to accomplish anything but raise my blood pressure and frustrate the tar out of me.

So off to the allergy and asthma specialist I go.  Dr. Howland is a wonderful man, by the way. I’ve never had such a pleasant experience at any doctor’s office ever – really.  But I was expecting more meds or allergy shots or something like that to get my breathing back to normal.  I was in for an extremely surreal, but pleasant surprise.

Apparently, I may not have asthma at all. Seriously? Nope. And I may not need all that medication I’ve been taking. Seriously?!?!? I have a small bruise under my chin where my jaw hit the floor.

No, what I have is called Vocal Cord Dysfunction, or VCD.  (I love how doctors make a condition sound so serious by calling it by its initials.  “VCD” could be anything from “Ventral Corticospinal Disease” to “Very Cranky and Ditzy.”  I suppose it makes us patients feel like we’re being taken seriously.  But I digress…) My vocal cords are supposed to open up and get out of the way when I breathe in.  They aren’t, so my windpipe is closed off and I’m having a hard time taking in enough air, creating the wheezing and fatigue that I’ve been feeling.  The reasons for this aren’t known, but the cords could be closing in response to allergens or stress or any number of things.  The really cool thing is that my cords can be retrained to open up when they should by taking them to speech therapy.  Not meds. Not surgery.  Speech therapy.  While I’ve been inhaling and swallowing all sorts of chemicals for the last 15 years trying to open up my airways, the real problem is slightly north of my lungs and can be fixed with a few weeks of breathing exercises.

I’ve been treating the symptoms but not the real disease all along.

Oh, I’m a sucker for allegory!  God knows it, too, so He gives me lots of ‘em.  Think of the implications!  How often do we work really, really hard to control our tempers, curb our judgementalism, shut down the gossip and play the part of the healthy Christian only to find that the disease isn’t in our behaviors but in our hearts? We take our medicines, practicing our disciplines with ever-increasing doses, certain that we can control the symptoms of our sickness. And yet we are still out of breath, frustrated, gagging on our own “goodness” because we aren’t treating the real problem! All we need to do is go to the Doctor and let Him give us the correct diagnosis.  Then, we’ll make some real progress!  And the solution may be much more simple than we ever dreamed. Maybe we don’t need all that other stuff to be changed.  Maybe all we need is to go to Him for the right kind of therapy.  Learn to breathe Him in.

Now, every allegory breaks down at some point. Spiritual disciplines aren’t medications that we should get ourselves off of, nor are they ever unnecessary.  But they are also not cures.  They do not solve our real problem which is the constriction of our hearts. We need to breathe the clear fresh air of the Spirit in order to function and grow. Like my vocal cords, our selfish desires are choking off our airways. Can they be retrained? I believe so.  I haven’t the foggiest idea where to begin, but God does.  He has the know-how and the ability to pry open the pathways of our hearts to let more of Him and others in.  But only if we are willing to address the real problem and not just treat the symptoms.  Only if we are willing to admit that it is ourselves that’s in the way and not simply needing a better formula or another pill.

I’m going to have my first speech therapy session today and take those first steps toward better breathing.  Maybe I should take my too-tight heart to God, too, and see if He can expand it a bit by getting some of me out of the way. I may be amazed at what He is able to accomplish if I will just let Him move in and through me the way He intends.  His healing is always better than any of my medications.