Last week, I was running late. It was raining – AGAIN – and the resulting crush of inattentive drivers on the freeways meant that it took me an-hour-and-a-half to get to church. It was a Bible study morning, too, so there was a lot to do as soon as I could get there to do it. I arrived and hit the ground running, loading up a cart with all of the supplies I needed and wheeling it down to the room so I could begin setting up. I was also teaching the lesson that morning, so I was mulling over my outline, my illustrations, my Bible verses as I scurried around. And then….
“OUCH!!!”
At least, that’s what I said out loud. What I thought (and rather loudly) was something far less suitable. As I backed my cart of supplies into the room, I had neglected to pay attention to where my fingers were. The index finger of my left hand got squished between a metal cart and a metal door frame, leaving a swollen purple line on my middle joint. As I gritted my teeth and seethed, I noticed the purple turn darker under the thin layer of skin above the bruising, and finally turn red as the blood broke through to the surface. At the same time, I noticed my knuckle swell, and as I flexed my hand, my finger became more painful and less willing to bend. Ugh…
“You need to pay attention to where you are and what you’re doing. Don’t worry about what’s coming up next.”
I heard that familiar Voice in my head almost immediately, and I felt my face flush with embarrassment. How often do I find bruises on my legs and arms that I have no idea where they came from, simply because I wasn’t paying attention? Now, I had crushed my finger as a result of my own negligence and distraction. It’s not like I was thinking about unimportant things. It’s just that I wasn’t thinking about the important things at hand, like my hand, for example.
“Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:34) The verse popped into my head as I near-ran down the hall to the desk where I knew the first-aid kit would be.
As I sifted through the cabinets, looking for a band-aid, I began to wonder. Have I injured other, less obvious, parts of my life due to my inattentiveness? It’s not that I don’t have much on my mind to think about. Truly, I do. There are questions about my future, my studies, my ministry, my faith that are looming large in my mind every spare second of my day. But as I’ve considered these things, have I neglected the more immediate issues and caused unknown injury to myself and those around me?
In the week since, as I’ve cared for my bruised finger (I may have even chipped the bone a bit, but nothing too seriously), I’ve wondered more about what other bruises I may need to care for. Like my mom who I’ve exchanged emails and IMs with but no phone calls in recent weeks, simply because I’m not thinking about the phone during normal waking hours. Or my best friend in Denver who I haven’t been in touch with at all just because I’ve been absorbed in my world and not in hers. How many others have been squished between the hard places of my life to have relationships bruised because of my own neglect?
Ouch.
So, I’ll be picking up the phone today and looking for band-aids to put on those wounds, too. I’ve been far too distracted by “important” things and allowed what is here-and-now to be injured because of my inattention. I’m praying that these are bruises that will heal quickly. I’m ashamed that it took such a painful wake-up call to bring these things to my attention. And I’m trying harder to focus on what is here before me and less on what is coming down the road that I can’t do anything about at this moment.
Maybe there will be fewer bruises on my shins and all of my fingers will stay intact. More importantly, I want fewer injuries to the relationships that are important to me. To focus on the here and now. Where I am and what I am doing. That’s the need and the goal.
O Lord, please help me let tomorrow worry about itself and keep my eyes on the now where You are and where I am!
